Institutio Oratoria

As regards making light of a charge, there are two ways in which this may be done. We may throw cold water on the excessive boasted of our opponent, as was done by Gaius Caesar, [*](A cousin of the father of C. Julius Caesar.) when Pomponius displayed a wound in his face which he had received in the rebellion of Sulpicius and which he boasted he had received while fighting for Caesar:

You should never look round,

he retorted,

when you are running away.

Or we may do the same with some charge that is brought against us, as was done by Cicero when he remarked to those who reproached him for marrying Publilia, a young unwedded girl, when he was already over sixty,

Well, she will be a woman to-morrow.

Some style this type of jest consequent and, on the ground that both

jests seem to follow so naturally and inevitably, class it with the jest which Cicero levelled against Curio, who always began his speeches by asking indulgence for his youth:

You will find your exordium easier every day,

he said.

Another method of making light of a statement is to suggest a reason. Cicero employed this method against Vatinius. The latter was lame and, wishing to make it seem that his health was improved, said that he could now walk as much as two miles.

Yes,

said Cicero,

for the days are longer.

Again Augustus, when the inhabitants of Tarraco reported that a palm had sprung up on the altar dedicated to him, replied,

That shows how often you kindle fire upon it.

Cassius Severus showed his wit by transferring a charge made against himself to a different quarter. For when lie was reproached by the praetor on the ground that his advocates had insulted Lucius Varus, an Epicurean and a friend of Caesar, he replied,

I do not know who they were who insulted him, I suppose they were Stoics.

Of retorts there are a number of forms, the wittiest being that which is helped out by a certain verbal similarity, as in the retort made by Trachalus to Suelius. The latter had said,

If that is the case, you go into exile

: to which Trachalus replied,

And if it is not the case, you go back into exile.

[*]( The point is obscure; we have no key to the circumstances of the jest. )

Cassius Severus baffled an opponent who reproached him with the fact that Proculeius had forbidden him to enter his house by replying,

Do I ever go there?

But one jest may also be defeated by another: for example, Augustus of blessed memory, when the Gauls gave him a golden necklet weighing a hundred pounds, and Dolabella, speaking in jest but with an eye to the success of his jest, said,

General, give me your necklet,

replied,

I had rather give you the crown of oak leaves.

[*]( The civic crown of oak leaves was given as a reward for saving the life of a fellow-citizen in war. The torquis was often given as a reward for valour, and Augustus pretends to believe that Dolabella had asked for a military decoration. The point lies in the contrast between the intrinsic value and weight of the two decorations. Further, Augustus was very parsimonious in bestowing military decorations and had himself received the crown of oak leaves from the senate as the saviour of Rome, a fact which must have rendered its bestowal on others rare, if not non-existent. )