Ars Amatoria

Ovid

Ovid. Ovid's Art of Love (in three Books), the Remedy of Love, the Art of Beauty, the Court of Love, the History of Love, and Amours. Dryden, John; Congreve, William; translators. New York: Calvin Blanchard, 1855.

  1. First gain the maid; by her thou shalt be sure
  2. A free access, and easy to procure;
  3. Who knows what to her office does belong,
  4. Is in the secret, and can hold her tongue,
  5. Bribe her with gifts, with promises, and pray'rs;
  6. For her good word goes far in love affairs.
  7. The time and fit occasion leave to her,
  8. When she most amply can thy suit prefer.
  9. The time for maids to fire their lady's blood
  10. Is when they find her in a merry mood.
  11. When all things at her wish and pleasure move;
  12. Her heart is open then, and free to love.
  13. Then mirth and wantonness to lust betray,
  14. And smooth the passage to the lover's way.
  15. Troy stood the siege, when fill'd with anxious care
  16. One merry fit concluded all the war.
  17. If some fair rival vex her jealous mind,
  18. Offer thy service to revenge in kind.
  19. Instruct the damsel, while she combs her hair,
  20. To raise the choler of that injur'd fair;
  21. And sighing, make her mistress understand
  22. She has the means of vengeance in her hand.
  23. Then, naming thee, thy humble suit prefer;
  24. And swear thou languishest and diest for her.
  25. Then let her lose no time, but push at all;
  26. For women soon are rais'd, and soon they fall.
  27. Give their first fury leisure to relent,
  28. They melt like ice, and suddenly repent.
  29. T' enjoy the maid, will that thy suit advance?
  30. 'Tis a hard question, and a doubtful chance.
  31. One maid corrupted, bawds the better for't;
  32. Another for herself would keep the sport.
  33. Thy bus'ness may be furthered or delay'd,
  34. But by my counsel, let alone the maid
  35. E'en tho' she should consent to do the feat;
  36. The profit's little, and the danger great.
  37. I will not lead thee through a rugged road,
  38. But where the way lies open, safe and broad,
  39. Yet if thou find'st her very much thy friend,
  40. And her good face her diligence commend,
  41. Let the fair mistress have the first embrace,
  42. And let the maid come after in her place.
  43. But this I will advise, and mark my words,
  44. For 'tis the best advice my skill affords;
  45. If needs thou with the damsel wilt begin,
  46. Before th' attempt is made, make sure to win;
  47. For then the secret better will be kept,
  48. And she can tell no tales when once she's dipt.
  49. 'Tis for the fowler's int'rest to beware,
  50. The bird intangled, should not 'scape the snare.
  51. The fish once prick'd avoids the bearded hook,
  52. And spoils the sport of all the neighb'ring brook.
  53. But if the wench be thine, she makes thy way,
  54. And for thy sake, her mistress will betray;
  55. Tell all she knows, and all she hears her say
  56. Keep well the counsel of thy faithful spy;
  57. So shalt thou learn whene'er she treads awry.
  1. All things the stations of their seasons keep;
  2. And certain times there are to sow and reap.
  3. Ploughmen and sailors for the season stay,
  4. One to plough land, and one to plough the sea;
  5. So should the lover wait the lucky day.
  6. Then stop thy suit, it hurts not thy design;
  7. But think another hour she may be thine.
  8. And when she celebrates her birth at home,
  9. Or when she views the public shows of Rome;
  10. Know all thy visits then are troublesome.
  11. Defer thy work, and put not then to sea,
  12. For that's a boding and a stormy day.
  13. Else take thy time, and when thou canst, begin;
  14. To break a Jewish sabbath, think no sin;
  15. Nor e'en on superstitious days abstain;
  16. Nor when the Romans were at Allia slain.[*](That was a very unfortunate day for the people of Rome, their army being cut in pieces by the Gauls near the river Allis, the 15th of the calends of August, in the year of the city 363.)
  17. Ill omens in her frowns are understood;
  18. When she's in humour, ev'ry day is good.
  19. But than her birthday seldom comes a worse,
  20. When bribes and presents must be sent of course;[*](On the mistress's birthday: these presents were commonly cakes; but we find the ladies were not satisfied with cakes only, they wanted pendants for the ears; and the way to get them is much the same in the gallant world now as in Ovid's days.)
  21. And that's a bloody day that costs thy purse.
  22. Be stanch; yet parsimony will be vain:
  23. The craving sex will still the lover drain.
  24. No skill can shift them off, nor art remove;
  25. They will be begging when they know we love.
  26. The merchant comes upon th' appointed day,
  27. Who shall before thy face his wares display.
  28. To choose for her she craves thy kind advice,
  29. Then begs again to bargain for the price;
  30. But when she has her purchase in her eye,
  31. She hugs thee close, and kisses thee to buy;
  32. "'Tis what I want, and 'tis a pen'orth too;
  33. In many years I will not trouble you."
  34. If you complain you have no ready coin,-
  35. No matter, 'tis but writing of a line;
  36. A little bill, not to be paid at sight:
  37. (Now curse the time when thou wert taught to write.)
  38. She keeps her birthday; you must send the cheer:
  39. And she'll be born a hundred times a year.
  40. With daily lies she dribs thee into cost;
  41. That ear-ring dropt a stone, that ring is lost.
  42. They often borrow what they never pay;[*](There are few coquets who will lose anything for want of asking; they borrow what they never tend to restore; and this jilting humor is so livelily painted here by the poet, that one would think he had lived in another reign than that of Augustus.)
  43. What e'er you lend her, think it thrown away.
  44. Had I ten mouths and tongues to tell each art,
  45. All would be wearied ere I told a part.