Institutio Oratoria
Quintilian
Quintilian. Institutio Oratoria, Volume 1-4. Butler, Harold Edgeworth, translator. Cambridge, Mass; London: Harvard University Press, William Heinemann Ltd., 1920-1922.
Sometimes we rebut a
Well, then,he remarked,
in the days when you and I used to practise declamation together, you were not even born.At other times we may rebut it by pretending to agree. Cicero, for example, when Fabia the wife of Dolabella asserted that her age was thirty, remarked,
That is true, for I have heard it for the last twenty years.
Sometimes too it is effective to add something more biting in place of the charge which is denied, as was done by Junius Bassus when Domitia the wife of Passienus [*](See VI. i. 50.) complained that by way of accusing her of meanness he had alleged that she even sold old shoes.
No,he replied,
I never said anything of the sort. I said you bought them.A witty travesty of defence was once produced by a Roman knight who was charged by Augustus with having squandered his patrimony.
I thought it was my own,he answered.
As regards making light of a charge, there are two ways in which this may be done. We may throw cold water on the excessive boasted of our opponent, as was done by Gaius Caesar, [*](A cousin of the father of C. Julius Caesar.) when Pomponius displayed a wound in his face which he had received in the rebellion of Sulpicius and which he boasted he had received while fighting for Caesar:
You should never look round,he retorted,
when you are running away.Or we may do the same with some charge that is brought against us, as was done by Cicero when he remarked to those who reproached him for marrying Publilia, a young unwedded girl, when he was already over sixty,
Well, she will be a woman to-morrow.
Some style this type of jest consequent and, on the ground that both
You will find your exordium easier every day,he said.
Another method of making light of a statement is to suggest a reason. Cicero employed this method against Vatinius. The latter was lame and, wishing to make it seem that his health was improved, said that he could now walk as much as two miles.
Yes,said Cicero,
for the days are longer.Again Augustus, when the inhabitants of Tarraco reported that a palm had sprung up on the altar dedicated to him, replied,
That shows how often you kindle fire upon it.
Cassius Severus showed his wit by transferring a charge made against himself to a different quarter. For when lie was reproached by the praetor on the ground that his advocates had insulted Lucius Varus, an Epicurean and a friend of Caesar, he replied,
I do not know who they were who insulted him, I suppose they were Stoics.Of retorts there are a number of forms, the wittiest being that which is helped out by a certain verbal similarity, as in the retort made by Trachalus to Suelius. The latter had said,
If that is the case, you go into exile: to which Trachalus replied,
And if it is not the case, you go back into exile.[*]( The point is obscure; we have no key to the circumstances of the jest. )
Cassius Severus baffled an opponent who reproached him with the fact that Proculeius had forbidden him to enter his house by replying,
Do I ever go there?But one jest may also be defeated by another: for example, Augustus of blessed memory, when the Gauls gave him a golden necklet weighing a hundred pounds, and Dolabella, speaking in jest but with an
General, give me your necklet,replied,
I had rather give you the crown of oak leaves.[*]( The civic crown of oak leaves was given as a reward for saving the life of a fellow-citizen in war. The torquis was often given as a reward for valour, and Augustus pretends to believe that Dolabella had asked for a military decoration. The point lies in the contrast between the intrinsic value and weight of the two decorations. Further, Augustus was very parsimonious in bestowing military decorations and had himself received the crown of oak leaves from the senate as the saviour of Rome, a fact which must have rendered its bestowal on others rare, if not non-existent. )
So, too, one lie may be defeated by another: Galba, for instance, when someone told him that he once bought a lamprey five feet long for half a denarius in Sicily, replied,
There is nothing extraordinary in that: for they grow to such a length in those seas that the fishermen tie them round their waists in lieu of ropes!Then there is the opposite of denial,
namely a feigned confession, which likewise may show no small wit. Thus Afer, when pleading against a freedman of Claudius Caesar and when another freedman called out from the opposite side of the court,
You are always speaking against Caesar's freedmen,replied,
Yes, but I make precious little headway.A similar trick is not to deny a charge, though it is obviously false and affords good opportunity for an excellent reply. For example, when Philippus said to Catulus,
Why do you bark so?the latter replied, [*](cp. Cic. de Or. II. liv. 220. )
I see a thief.
To make jokes against oneself is scarcely fit for any save professed buffoons and is strongly to be disapproved in an orator. This form of jest has precisely the same varieties as those which we make against others and therefore I pass it by, although it is not infrequently employed.