Satires

THE poets Eupolis, and Cratinus, and Aristophanes, and others, who are authors of the ancient comedy,[*](Comoedia prisca. Comedy was divided into ancient and modern. In the first, the subject and the names of the actors were real. In the second, the drama was formed on history, but the names of the actors were invented. In the third, both the story and actors were formed by the poet.) if there was any person deserving to be distinguished for being a rascal or a thief, an adulterer or a cut-throat, or in any shape an infamous fellow, branded him with great freedom. Upon these [models] Lucilius entirely depends, having imitated them, changing only their feet[*](Mutatis pedibus. Ennius and Pacuvius had written satires before Lucilius. He was rather the restorer than inventor of this kind of poetry; he formed himself upon the Grecian comedy, and only changed the measure of his verse, hexameter for iambics.) and numbers: a man of wit, of great keenness,[*](Emunctae naris. Of a sagacious, penetrating genius, to discover the follies of mankind, and of an agreeable, spirited, raillery, to turn them into ridicule, facetus. Such is the character of Lucilius by Cicero and Quintilian: perurbanum and abunde salis.) inelegant in the composition of verse: for in this respect he was faulty; he would often, as a great feat, dictate two hundred verses in an hour, standing in the same position. As he flowed muddily, there was [always] something that one would wish to remove; he was verbose, and too lazy to endure the fatigue of writing-of writing accurately: for, with regard to the quantity [of his works], I make no account of it. See! Crispinus challenges me even for ever so little a wager.[*](Minimo me provocat. We should understand pignore or pretio; nor is there any instance in the Latin tongue of provocare minimo digito, as the commentators explain it. A man well assured of the truth of what he asserts, is willing to bet a large wager against a small one, which Horace means by minimo provocare.) Take, if you dare, take your tablets, and I will take mine; let there be a place, a time, and persons appointed to see fair play: let us see who can write the most. The gods have done a good part by me, since they have framed me of an humble and meek disposition, speaking but seldom, briefly: but do you, [Crispinus,] as much as you will, imitate air which is shut up in leathern bellows, perpetually puffing till the fire softens the iron. Fannius is a happy man, who, of his own accord, has presented his manuscripts[*](Ultro delatis capsis. When a poet was generally esteemed, his works and his statue were placed in the public libraries. But Horace congratulates Fannius upon the happiness of finding a method of immortalizing his name, without being obliged to pass through the usual forms. He thought he had a right to take an honor, which he was conscious he deserved, and perhaps imagined it a proper manner of resenting the public insensibility of his merit.) and picture [to the Palatine Apollo]; when not a soul will peruse my writings, who am afraid to rehearse in public, on this account, because there are certain persons who can by no means relish this kind [of satiric writing], as there are very many who deserve censure. Single any man out of the crowd; he either labors under a covetous disposition, or under wretched ambition. One is mad in love with married women, another with youths; a third the splendor of silver captivates: Albius is in raptures with brass; another exchanges his merchandize from the rising sun, even to that with which the western regions are warmed: but he is hurried headlong through dangers, as dust wrapped up in a whirlwind; in dread lest he should lose any thing out of his capital, or [in hope] that he may increase his store. All these are afraid of verses, they hate poets. "He has hay on his horn,[*](Faenum habet in cornu. A metaphorical expression taken from a custom of tying hay on the horns of a mischievous bull. The laws of the Twelve Tables ordered, that the owner of the beast should pay for what damages it committed, or deliver it to the person injured. Si quadrupes pauperiem faxit, dominus sarcito, noxaeve dedito. ) [they cry;] avoid him at a great distance: if he can but raise a laugh for his own diversion, he will not spare any friend: and whatever he has once blotted upon his paper, he will take a pleasure in letting all the boys and old women know, as they return from the bakehouse or the lake." But, come on, attend to a few words on the other side of the question.

In the first place, I will except myself out of the number of those I would allow to be poets: for one must not call it sufficient to tag a verse: nor if any person, like me, writes in a style bordering on conversation, must you esteem him to be a poet. To him who has genius, who has a soul of a diviner cast, and a greatness of expression, give the honor of this appellation. On this acount some have raised the question, whether comedy be a poem or not; because an animated spirit and force is neither in the style, nor the subject-matter: bating that it differs from prose by a certain measure, it is mere prose. But [one may object to this, that even in comedy] an inflamed father rages, because his.dissolute son, mad after a prostitute mistress, refuses a wife with a large portion; and (what is an egregious scandal) rambles about drunk with flambeaux by day-light. Yet could Pomponius, were his father alive, hear less severe reproofs! Wherefore it is not sufficient to write verses merely in proper language; which, if you take to pieces, any person may storm in the same manner as the father in the play. If from these verses which I write at this present, or those that Lucilius did formerly, you take away certain pauses and measures, and make that word which was first in order hindermost, by placing the latter [words] before those that preceded [in the verse]; you will not discern the limbs of a poet, when pulled in pieces, in the same manner as you would were you to transpose ever so [these lines of Ennius]:

When discord dreadful bursts the brazen bars,

And shatters iron locks to thunder forth her wars.

So far of this matter; at another opportunity [I may investigate] whether [a comedy] be a true poem or not: now I shall only consider this point, whether this [satiric] kind of writing be deservedly an object of your suspicion. Sulcius the virulent, and Caprius hoarse with their malignancy, walk [openly], and with their libels too [in their hands]; each of them a singular terror to robbers: but if a man lives honestly and with clean hands, he may despise them both. Though you be like highwaymen, Coelus and Byrrhus, I am not [a common accuser], like Caprius and Sulcius; why should you be afraid of me? No shop nor stall holds my books, which the sweaty hands of the vulgar and of Hermogenes Tigellius may soil. I repeat to nobody, except my intimates, and that when I am pressed; nor any where, and before any body.

There are many who recite their writings in the middle of the forum; and who [do it] while bathing: the closeness of the place, [it seems,] gives melody to the voice. This pleases coxcombs, who never consider whether they do this to no purpose, or at an unseasonable time. But you, says he, delight to hurt people, and this you do out of a mischievous disposition. From what source do you throw this calumny upon me? Is any one then your voucher, with whom I have lived? lie who backbites his absent friend; [nay more,] who does not defend, at another's accusing him; who affects to raise loud laughs in company, and the reputation of a funny fellow who can feign things he never saw; who can not keep secrets; he is a dangerous man: be you, Roman, aware of him. You may often see it [even in crowded companies], where twelve sup together on three couches; one of which shall delight at any rate to asperse the rest, except him who furnishes the bath;[*](Praeter eum, qui praebet aquam. Their host, who provided water for the bath; a part of their entertainment to express the whole.) and him too afterward in his liquor, when truth-telling Bacchus opens the secrets of his heart. Yet this man seems entertaining, and well-bred, and frank to you, who are an enemy to the malignant: but do I, if I have laughed bccause the fop Rufillus smells all perfumes, and Gorgonius, like a he-goat, appear invidious and a snarler to you? If by any means mention happen to be made of the thefts of Petillius Capitolinus[*](The ancient commentator tells us, that Petillius was governor of the Capitol, from whence he was called Capitolinus; that he was accused of stealing a golden crown of Jupiter, and acquitted by the favor of Augustus. If there be any truth in this story, for we know not where the commentator found it, he was more probably surnamed from his theft, than for his government of the Capitol.) in your company, you defend him after your manner: [as thus,] Capitolinus has had.me for a companion and a friend from childhood, and being applied to, has done many things on my account: and I am glad that he lives secure in the city; but I wonder, notwithstanding, how he evaded that sentence. This is the very essence of black malignity,[*](Properly, "the juice of the cuttle-fish.") this is mere malice itself: which crime, that it shall be far remote from my writings, and prior to them from my mind, I promise, if I can take upon me to promise any thing sincerely of myself. If I shall say any thing too freely, if perhaps too ludicrously, you must favor me by your indulgence with this allowance. For my excellent father inured me to this custom, that by noting each particular vice I might avoid it by the example [of others]. When he exhorted me that I should live thriftily, frugally, and content with what he had provided for me; don't you see, [would he say,] how wretchedly the son of Albius lives? and how miserably Barrus? A strong lesson to hinder any one from squandering away his patrimony. When he would deter me from filthy fondness for a light woman: [take care, said he,] that you do not resemble Sectanus.

That I might not follow adulteresses, when I could enjoy a lawful amour: the character, cried he, of Trebonius, who was caught in the fact, is by no means creditable. The philosopher may tell you the reasons for what is better to be avoided, and what to be pursued. It is sufficient for me, if I can preserve the morality traditional from my forefathers, and keep your life and reputation inviolate, so long as you stand in need of a guardian: so soon as age shall have strengthened your limbs and mind, you will swim without cork. In this manner he formed me, as yet a boy: and whether he ordered me to do any particular thing: You have an authority for doing this: [then] he instanced some one out of the select magistrates:[*](Unum ex iudicibus selectis. The most eminent, and of greatest authority, among the senatorial order; an order called Sanctissimus. Torrentius thinks the poet means the judges, whom the pretor chose out of all degrees of the magistracy, to relieve and assist him in his office. But this good father would probably have taken his examples out of a more numerous, yet not less venerable order.) or did he forbid me [any thing]; can you doubt, [says he,] whether this thing be dishonorable, and against your interest to be done, when this person and the other is become such a burning shame for his bad character [on these accounts]? As a neighboring funeral dispirits sick gluttons, and through fear of death forces them to have mercy upon themselves; so other men's disgraces often deter tender minds from vices. From this [method of education] I am clear from all such vices, as bring destruction along with them: by lighter foibles, and such as you may excuse, I am possessed. And even from these, perhaps, a maturer age, the sincerity of a friend, or my own judgment, may make great reductions. For neither when I am in bed, or in the piazzas, am I wanting to myself: this way of proceeding is better; by doing such a thing I shall live more comfortably; by this means I shall render myself agreeable to my friends; such a transaction was not clever; what, shall I, at any time, imprudently commit any thing like it? These things I resolve in silence by myself. When I have any leisure, I amuse myself with my papers. This is one of those lighter foibles [I was speaking of]: to which if you do not grant your indulgence, a numerous band of poets shall come, which will take my part (for we are many more in number),[*](See Orelli.) and, like the Jews, we will force you to come over to our numerous party.

HAVING[*](Octavius and Antony, both aspiring to the sovereign power, must necessarily have had frequent quarrels and dissensions. Their reconciliations were of short continuance, because they were insincere. Among many negotiations, undertaken by their common friends to reconcile them, history mentions two more particularly. The first in the year 714, the other in 717, which was concluded by the mediation of Octavia, and to which our poet was carried by Maecenas.) left mighty Rome, Aricia received me in but a middling inn: Heliodorus the rhetorician, most learned in the Greek language, was my fellow-traveler: thence we proceeded to Forum-Appi, stuffed with sailors and surly landlords. This stage, but one for better travelers[*](Praecinctis. Prepared for traveling, i. e. altius praecincis, "to those who were better travelers than we were." Praecinctus means having the dress tucked up, that it may not prevent exertion. Hence used for "diligent," "active." Compare Sat. ii. 8, 10. ) than we, being laggard we divided into two; the Appian way is less tiresome to bad travelers. Here I, on account of the water, which was most vile, proclaim war against my belly, waiting not without impatience for my companions while at supper.

Now the night was preparing to spread her shadows upon the earth, and to display the constellations in the heavens. Then our slaves began to be liberal of their abuse to the watermen, and the watermen to our slaves. "Here bring to." "You are stowing in hundreds; hold, now sure there is enough."

Thus while the fare is paid, and the mule fastened, a whole hour is passed away. The cursed gnats, and frogs of the fens, drive off repose. While the waterman and a passenger, well-soaked with plenty of thick wine, vie with one another in singing the praises of their absent mistresses: at length the passenger being fatigued, begins to sleep; and the lazy waterman ties the halter of the mule, turned out a-grazing, to a stone, and snores, lying flat on his back. And now the day approached, when we saw the boat made no way; until a choleric fellow, one of the passengers, leaps out of the boat, and drubs the head and sides of both mule and waterman with a willow cudgel. At last we were scarcely set ashore at the fourth hour.[*](Quarta hora. The Romans during more than four hundred and fifty years never had names for the hours of the day. The twelve tables divided it into three parts; the rising sun, the setting sun, and mid-day. The hours of night and day were equal in number through the year; but from spring to autumn, those of the day were longer than those of the night, and from September to March the hours of night were longest.) We wash our faces and hands in thy water, O Feronia. Then, having dined, we crawled on three miles; and arrive under Anxur, which is built upon rocks that look white to a great distance. Maecenas was to come here, as was the excellent Cocceius, both sent embassadors on matters of great importance; having been accustomed to reconcile friends at variance.[*](Three particulars demonstrate that this journey was to the second conference at Brundusium. Fonteius is here joined with Maecenas and Cocceius, but was not engaged in the first. The poet says, that Maecenas and Cocceius had been before employed to reconcile Octavius and Antony, soliti, which must necessarily suppose the first congress in 714, when Horace had not been introduced to Macenas.) Here, having got sore eyes, I was obliged to use the black ointment. In the mean time came Macenas and Cocceius, and Fonteius Capito[*](Fonteius Capito. Probably the father of him who was consul two years before the death of Augustus. he was here of the party of Antony, and Maecenas on the side of Augustus. Cocceius was by way of an arbitrator between them, to settle their differences. Homo factus ad unguem, a complete man, every way accomplished.) along with them, a man of perfect polish,[*](Ad unguem factus homo. This figurative expression is taken from engravers in wood or marble, who used to pass their nail over the work, to know whether it were well polished.) and intimate with Mark Antony, no man more so.

Without regret we passed Fundi, where Aufidius Luscus was praetor,[*](Praetore. The colonies and municipal towns had the same dignities and magistracies as the city of Rome; senators, praetors, quaestors, and aediles. It is difficult to know whether Fundi had a praetor chosen out of her own citizens, or whether he was sent from Rome.) laughing at the honors of that crazy scribe,[*](Praemia scribe. Horace calls these robes praemia scribae, because the secretaries in colonies and municipal towns were frequently raised to the dignity of the praetorship. The toga praetexta was a robe bordered with purple. Tunica clavata was a vest with two borders of purple laid like a lace upon the middle or opening of it, down to the bottom; in such a manner as that when the vest was drawn close or buttoned, the two purple borders joined and seemed to be but one. If these borders were large, the vest was called latus clavus, or tunica laticlavia; if they were narrow, then it was named angustus clavus, tunica angusticlavia. These two sorts of tunics were worn to distinguish the magistrates in their employments, and were very different from those worn by the common people, tunicato popello, which were closed before, and without any purple border. They were called tunicae rectae. ) his praetexta, laticlave, and pan of incense.[*](Prunaeque batillum. A pan for incense, frequently carried before the emperors, of those possessed of the sovereign authority.) At our next stage, being weary, we tarry in the city of the Mamurrae,[*](The stroke of satire here is of a delicate and almost imperceptible malignity. Formiae, the city which Horace means, belonged to the Lamian family, whose antiquity was a great honor to it. But our poet paraphrases it by the name of a person, who was born there, and who has made his country famous in a very different manner. Mamurra was a Roman knight, who was infamous for his rapine, luxury and debauchcry. Catullus calls him Decoctor Formianus. ) Murena complimenting us with his house,[*](Murena was brother of Licymnia, married afterward to Maecenas. He was condemned to death for conspiring against Augustus. Varius and Plotius Tucca were the persons to whom Augustus intrusted the correction of the Aeneid, after Virgil's death, but with an order not to make any additions to it.) and Capito with his kitchen.

The next day arises, by much the most agreeable to all: for Plotius, and Varius, and Virgil met us at Sinuessa; souls more candid ones than which the world never produced, nor is there a person in the world more bound to them than myself. 0h what embraces, and what transports were there! While I am in my senses, nothing can I prefer to a pleasant friend. The village, which is next adjoining to the bridge of Campania, accommodated us with lodging [at night]; and the public officers[*](Parochi. Before the consulship of Lucius Posthumius, the magistrates of Rome traveled at the public charge, without being burthensome to the provinces. Afterward commissaries were appointed in all the great roads to defray all expenses of those who were employed in the business of the state. They were obliged, by the Lex Julia de provinciis, to provide lodging, fire, salt, hay, straw, etc.) with such a quantity of fuel and salt as they are obliged to [by law]. From this place the mules deposited their pack-saddles at Capua betimes [in the morning]. Maecenas goes to play [at tennis]; but I and Virgil to our repose: for to play at tennis is hurtful to weak eyes and feeble constitutions.

From this place the villa of Cocceius, situated above the Caudian inns, which abounds with plenty, receives us. Now, my muse, I beg of you briefly to relate the engagement between the buffoon Sarmentus and Messius Cicirrus; and from what ancestry descended each began the contest. The illutrious race of Messius-Oscan:[*](Osci is a nominative case, and we must construe it, Osci sunt clarum genus Messii. The Oscans gave to Messius his illustrious birth, a sufficient proof that he was an infamous scoundrel. The people who inhabited this part of Campania were guilty of execrable debaucheries.) Sarmentus's mistress is still alive. Sprung from such families as these, they came to the combat. First, Sarmentus: "I pronounce thee to have the look of a mad horse." We laugh; and Messius himself [says], "I accept your challenge:" and wags his head. "O!" cries he, "if the horn were not cut off your forehead, what would you not do; since, maimed as you are, you bully at such a rate?" For a foul scar has disgraced the left part of Messius's bristly forehead. Cutting many jokes upon his Campanian disease, and upon his face, he desired him to exhibit Polyphemus's dance:[*](Saltaret uti Cyclopa. The raillery is founded on his gigantic size, and the villainous gash that Messius had on his forehead, which made him look so like a Polyphemus, that he might dance the part without buskins or a mask. To dance a Cyclops, a Glaucus, a Ganymede, a Leda, was an expression for representing their story by dancing.) that he had no occasion for a mask, or the tragic buskins. Cicirrus [retorted] largely to these: he asked, whether he had consecrated his chain[*](Donasset iamne catenam. Only the vilest slaves, or those who worked in the country, were chained. It appears by an epigram of Martial, that when they were set at liberty, they consecrated their chains to Saturn, because slavery was unknown under his reign. But when Messius asks Sarmentus whether he had dedicated his chain to the Dii Lares, he would reproach him with being a fugitive. These gods were invoked by travelers, because they presided over highways, from whence they were called viales. They themselves were always represented like travelers, as if they were ready to leave the house; succincti. Or Sarmentus was a slave so vile that he knew no other gods, but those who stood on the hearth, and which it was his employment to keep clean.) to the household gods according to his vow; though he was a scribe, [he told him] his mistress's property in him was not the less. Lastly, he asked, how lie ever came to run away; such a lank meager fellow, for whom a pound of corn [a-day] would be ample.[*](By the laws of the twelve tables, a slave was allowed a pound of corn a day. "Qui eum vinctum habebit, libras farris in dies dato." ) We were so diverted, that we continued that supper to an unusual length.

Hence we proceed straight on for Beneventum; where the bustling landlord almost burned himself, in roasting some lean thrushes: for, the fire falling through the old kitchen [floor], the spreading flame made a great progress toward the highest part of the roof. Then you might have seen the hungry guests and frightened slaves snatching their supper out [of the flames], and every body endeavoring to extinguish the fire.

After this Apulia began to discover to me her well-known mountains, which the Atabulus scorches [with his blasts]: and through which we should never have crept, unless the neighboring village of Trivicus had received us, not without a smoke that brought tears into our eyes; occasioned by a hearth's burning some green boughs with the leaves upon them. Here, like a great fool as I was, I wait till midnight for a deceitful mistress: sleep, however, overcomes me, while meditating love; and disagreeable dreams make me ashamed of myself and every thing about me.