Dialogi mortuorum

Menippus But not comeliest of all that come ’neath the earth, as far as I know. Your bones are much like other people’s; and the only difference between your two skulls is that yours would not take much to stove it in. It is a tender article, something short of masculine,

Nireus Ask Homer what I was, when I sailed with the Achaeans.

Menippus Dreams, dreams, I am looking at what you are; what you were is ancient history.

Nireus Am I not handsomer here, Menippus?

Menippus You are not handsome at all, nor any one else either. Hades is a democracy; one man is as good as another here.

Thersites And a very tolerable arrangement too, if you ask me.

Menippus I have heard that you were a god, Chiron, and that you died of your own choice?

Chiron You were rightly informed. I am dead, as you see, and might have been immortal.

Menippus And what should possess you, to be in love with Death? He has no charm for most people.

Chiron You are a sensible fellow; I will tell you. There was no further satisfaction to be had from immortality.

Menippus Was it not a pleasure merely to live and see the light?

Chiron No; it is variety, as I take it, and not monotony, that constitutes pleasure. Living on and on, everything always the same; sun, light, food, spring, summer, autumn, winter, one thing following another in unending sequence,—I sickened of it all. I found that enjoyment lay not in continual possession; that deprivation had its share therein.

Menippus Very true, Chiron. And how have you got on since you made Hades your home?

Chiron Not unpleasantly. I like the truly republican equality that prevails; and as to whether one is in light or darkness, that makes no difference at all, Then again there is no hunger or thirst here; one is independent of such things.

Menippus Take care, Chiron! You may be caught in the snare of your own reasonings.

Chiron How should that be?

Menippus Why, if the monotony of the other world brought on satiety, the monotony here may do the same. You will have to look about for a further change, and I fancy there is no third life procurable.

Chiron Then what is to be done, Menippus?

Menippus Take things as you find them, I suppose, like a sensible fellow, and make the best of everything.

Diogenes Now, friends, we have plenty of time; what say you to a stroll? we might go to the entrance and have a look at the new-comers—what they are and how they behave.

Antisthenes The very thing. It will be an amusing sight—some weeping, some imploring to be let go, some resisting; when Hermes collars them, they will stick their heels in and throw their weight back; and all to no purpose.

Crato Very well; and meanwhile, let me give you my experiences on the way down.

Diogenes Yes, go on, Crates; I dare say you saw some entertaining sights.

Crato We were a large party, of which the most distinguished were Ismenodorus, a rich townsman of ours, Arsaces, ruler of Media, and Oroetes the Armenian. Ismenodorus had been murdered by robbers going to Eleusis over Cithaeron, I believe. He was moaning, nursing his wound, apostrophizing the young children he had left, and cursing his foolhardiness. He knew Cithaeron and the Eleutherae district were all devastated by the wars, and yet he must take only two servants with him— with five bowls and four cups of solid gold in his baggage, too.

Arsaces was an old man of rather imposing aspect; he expressed his feelings in true barbaric fashion, was exceedingly angry at being expected to walk, and kept calling for his horse. In point of factit had died with him, it and he having been simultaneously transfixed by a Thracian pikeman in the fight with the Cappadocians on the Araxes, Arsaces described to us how he had